Motherhood: A language

Me: Nairobi, Kenya

Him: Nairobi, Kenya

F: Nairobi, Kenya

Distance: 0km

There are some words I've always thought don't make much sense. For example, extraordinary, awful, and grateful. But now, ten weeks into being Mama F, I have realised that they actually make more sense than most other words in the English language. It's just that they must have been created by mothers.

We have a routine for F stuck to our fridge, which has helped every moment of every day to become utterly predictable. I know when he cries at 8.30am it is because he is getting grouchy and ready for his morning nap. I know that at 5pm he will start to whimper for some food. At midday I get a couple of hours to actually do something semi-productive (like write this post) as he goes down for his nap. He is his mother's son in his love of routines (in spite of passive aggressive jibes couched as well-meaning suggestions that he is 'too young' for this), and every day is ordinary.

And yet.

And yet, there are the moments when I catch myself wondering at it all. He laughs when I am changing his nappy, or smiles in the bath. They are something extra. Extra-ordinary. Only a mother could put these two words together and completely flip the meaning of the stem with the prefix.

And as for 'awful'. Getting up multiple times during a night to feed the parasite - I mean, baby - is truly terrible. The absolute exhaustion after weeks worth of sleeplessness and still needing to hold it together when the baby screams in your face for no specific reason. The constant, niggling worry that you are doing something fundamentally wrong and your child will be scarred for life. But then, inside all of this is the true meaning of the dissected word. The fact that YOU can make that ever growing barrel belly from nothing but your milk. The satisfaction when the baby quietens with your singing. The genuine happiness as chubby cheeks dimple and you realise you haven't screwed him up too badly yet. Inside the awful are moments that are full of awe.

And finally 'grateful'. Surely this was originally spelled 'great-full', but a mother intervened after the constant whimpering of her much-loved child has shredded all her nerves?

And so, below are some words that I would like to lobby the Oxford English Dictionary to add to the English lexicon:

Disbusy: When you get to the end of the day and realise a) that you are dehydrated because you haven't had time to drink a glass of water and b) your hair still needs washing because you had to cut your shower short... yet you cannot put your finger on anything you have actually done today other than watch an entire series of Friends whilst breastfeeding.

Extrabore: The overwhelming sense of your role in the Circle of Life and how you are keeping a human being alive, whilst also wanting to stick matchsticks in your eyes just for something new to do.

Momentful: When you stare at the tiny baby in your arms and see all of time in the blink of an eye... how tiny his fingernails are now, what he will want to do when he grows up, and the time he will bring his own children home to meet you.

Worldshrink: A sense that the world has shrunk to encompass you and the baby (and sometimes others, but only if they are in your line of vision), accompanied by a new sense of responsibility towards protecting the whole world for the baby (climate change and landfill make the back of your neck cold).

I have just checked, and the Oxford English Dictionary goes through quarterly updates. In June this year they added 1400 new words. These included 'fart-catcher' (a foot-servant or page), 'hakapik' (a tool used in spear-hunting), and 'swindle-tree' (in a plough, horse-drawn cart, etc.: a crossbar pivoted in the middle to which the traces are attached). My pitch to them is that how infrequent these words must be needed in today's society, and given the ongoing relevance of new motherhood, their next update includes 'disbusy', 'extrabore', 'momentful', and 'worldshrink'.